What began as a seemingly empowering mantra on TikTok, “If he wanted to, he would,” has rapidly permeated the modern online relationship discourse. This concise phrase, often accompanied by anecdotes of unrequited efforts and unmet expectations, initially served as a digital nudge towards self-respect and a rejection of one-sided relationships. It resonated deeply with Gen-Z’s modern dating complexities.No Quick Fixes However, the tide is beginning to turn. Relationship advisor, Priya Sharma from Mumbai cautions against the blanket application of this phrase. “While the intention behind ‘If he wanted to, he would’ is to encourage self-respect, it often neglects the nuances of individual circumstances and relationship dynamics,” she explains. She adds, “People face genuine obstacles — work stress, family emergencies, personal struggles — that can temporarily impact their ability to express their feelings or meet their partner’s needs. To reduce every instance of perceived lack of effort to a simple lack of desire is not only inaccurate but can also erode empathy and understanding within a relationship.” Faulty Approach The problem with “If he wanted to, he would” lies in its failure to acknowledge the complexities of communication styles, attachment styles, and individual capacities. Some individuals may genuinely care deeply but struggle with expressing their emotions effectively due to past experiences or inherent personality traits. Others might have different priorities at certain times in their lives, not necessarily indicating a lack of desire for the relationship but rather a temporary shift in focus. Applying the “If he wanted to, he would” rule rigidly can lead to premature conclusions, unnecessary breakups, and a cynical outlook on relationships. Rohan Verma, a Counsellor from Bengaluru highlights the potential for this mantra to foster unrealistic expectations. “It creates a binary where effort equals love, and lack of immediate, visible effort equals a lack of care,” he states. “Healthy relationships involve open communication, compromise, and understanding. Sometimes, partners need to have difficult conversations about their needs and expectations rather than simply assuming a lack of desire based on perceived inaction. This phrase can discourage that crucial dialogue and lead to resentment and misinterpretations.” Beyond the Binary Embracing the messiness of relationships is a reality. The challenge now is to move beyond the simplistic empowerment of “If he wanted to, he would” towards a more nuanced understanding of love and relationships. While self-respect and the expectation of basic effort are crucial, healthy connections require empathy, open communication, and a willingness to understand the complexities of a partner’s life and perspective. Instead of relying on a single, catchy phrase, individuals need to cultivate the skills to have honest conversations, express their needs clearly, and understand their partner’s communication style. Ultimately, while “If he wanted to, he would” may have offered a temporary boost of confidence and clarity for some, its limitations are becoming increasingly apparent. Real love and relationships are often messy. They require patience, understanding, and a willingness to navigate the inevitable bumps in the road – something a simple TikTok mantra can never fully capture. The conversation is shifting towards a more mature understanding. It demands active participation, healthy dialogue, and a recognition that sometimes, ‘wanting to’ is just the first step in the intricate dance of love!
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