Love on Loading

Hyderabad’s dating apps are suffering from burnout, and no, it’s not because they’re overwhelmed by usage. Bumble, Tinder and Hinge, once the love gurus ready to set sparks flying in a swipe, now feel like they’re buffering… Forever stuck on “Are you still there?” while hearts hang in limbo.So, what’s going wrong in our city of IT parks and ambitious dreams? We spoke to a bunch of Hyderabadis who’ve seen the highs and lows of app-based romance — and it turns out, the dating scene here is a quagmire of cultural hang-ups, inflated expectations and plain-old logistical chaos.Akhil G, 20, a student who’s been swiping longer than he’d like to admit, tells us, “Hyderabad feels stuck between where it’s coming from and where it’s going.” He’s not wrong. When faced with uncertainty, hyperbole is a common response. “A lot of people exaggerate their proficiency just to impress others,” he points out, “which makes dating both easy and hard depending on how you look at it.”Nightlife voidAkhil is also noticing other cracks. “Communication is another issue,” he says. “Many users, especially those from technical backgrounds, struggle to express themselves or keeping conversations going. There’s not much of a nightlife or places where people can casually meet and talk.” Without spaces to bond, even the most promising chats fizzle out before they’ve warmed up.The ‘picky men’ problemData scientist Ankit Jxa, with experience as an interpersonal coach at Social Arbitrage, zeroes in on ultra-specific checklists when it comes to dating. “Most of my clients are men between 27 and 34, earning at least Rs 30 lakhs a year, fit, and generally doing well in life. They’re trying to get married but find it hard to connect with the right person. They’re picky — not in a bad way, but because they’re looking for someone who fits their specific preferences on looks, behaviour, family background, aspirations, and how conversations go.” He adds with a sigh, “It’s tough because there’s so much random activity and noise, but hardly any real connections worth pursuing.”Freedom, or the lack of itAnkit lets us in on how living arrangements play a role, too. “Most women here live with their families, which limits what you can do together, like going on spontaneous weekend trips. It’s not like other cities where people are freer to explore.”Still, love finds a way. “My last date went really well,” he says. “We connected instantly and plan to meet again. But spontaneity isn’t always an option when your social setup is so structured.”Expectations gone wildAnd then there’s Katha’s floor manager, Ali Karamali, whose experience illustrates how dating apps can exhaust users because of sustained disappointments, even if they finally find someone special after sifting through all the noise and false hopes. He shares, “Back when these apps were new, it felt exciting and promising. But over time, people became way too demanding. Unreal expectations, like wanting a perfect figure or looking for someone just to fulfil physical needs. It’s like ‘sugar daddy’ relationships or ‘one-night stands.’ That’s all a lot of people are chasing these days. There’s not much of what you’d call a ‘real match.’”On the other hand, though, Ali recalls his own Happn affair with fondness. “I installed it one night because I was single and bored. I stayed up until 7 a.m., just thinking about trying it out. When I woke up, I already had a match — it was her. We talked every day, and it felt effortless. That’s how it happened — simple, sweet and real.”Shortcomings aren’t one-sidedThe city’s split personality, the pressure to impress, outdated social norms, and shallow pursuits are strangling what could otherwise be earnest relationships. Programme coordinator, Anasuya V, points out that we often judge too quickly or focus too much on projecting success rather than being precise. She says, “I’ve found that a lot of men’s profiles ondating apps don’t really reflect who the person is. They look perfect on paper. Maybe that’s why it hasn’t worked out for me. Still, it’s not all bad — I’ve made some really good friends through the app, and that’s been a positive takeaway.”What’s going wrong in our city of IT parks and ambitious dreams? We spoke to a bunch of Hyderabadis who’ve seen the highs and lows of app-based romance — and it turns out, the dating scene here is a quagmire of cultural hang-ups, inflated expectations and plain-old logistical chaos.



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